Jealousy

I now have a very clinging six month old and six year old. Kale has been wanting more attention lately and that's fine with me but Kira has now started to show the jealousy. She will be playing in her bouncer and Kale and I will be cuddling on the chair. It's all fine and dandy until Kira realizes that I'm holding Kale and not her. She is turning into a Mommy's girl that's for sure! Kale did great the first few months of Kira's life. He was old enough to understand that I needed to show the baby a little more attention just because she couldn't do things on her own like Kale can. He did great until recently..... He's been acting out more to get my attention and wants to sit with me while I'm holding Kira. I try my best to make sure that he always has time with me and only me. I want both of my kids to know that I love them just the same and not one more than the other. When Kale and Kira are both out for attention at the same time it gets difficult. I'm hoping this little jealousy thing will pass soon but I have a feeling it will only be getting worse.......

Sanity

I love being a stay at home mom. I love being able to stay home with Kira and be home when Kale gets home from school. I love not missing anything it their lives. This is what I want. I think it was my destiny if there's such a thing.To be able to stay at home with my kids and be the one to care for them and be able to see each milestone happen right in front of my eyes. I don't want to miss one little thing they do new. Thankfully I'm lucky enough to have a husband that allows me to stay home just like I want. I even love the small things that excite me from Kira rolling over for the first time to Kale being able to spell a new word. With all that being said even though I have what I still need "mommy time" and by mommy time I mean ALONE time no crying baby and no cranky six year old not even a husband to bother me. It's plain and simple I need to be left alone just for a little while. I'd even like an hour. Not every day do I need a hour but  five minutes a day would be nice *hint hint Jared*. This doesn't mean that I don't love my kids or husband with all my heart. It just means if they want a sane mother and wife then I need time to breath. Is this an unreasonable request? I guess that's why they say motherhood is a 24/7 job and boy were they right!

Separation

So I finally did it. Kira now sleeps in her crib all the way across the house from my room. I know it really isn't that far but to me it seems like a mile. I have the baby monitor set up and I could possibly check it at least five times before I finally go to bed just in case it's not working. I know I know it's not going to miraculously stop working in a two minute time frame but I need to check it each time just so I can get some sleep. After I finally get myself into bed it still takes me about an hour to fall asleep just because I'm laying and just listening to her breath and if I don't think she's breathing right then of coarse I have to get up and walk that "mile" to go make sure she's okay. It was so much easier when she was in the same room with me for the first five months. (some people think that was five months to long) if I had it my way she would be sleeping with me for the first year but I know that is not good so I decided to take the "good mom" route and put her in her bed now before it became a problem when she was older and I actually wanted her in her room . Who knew that a mother could have a small separation anxiety just from having her baby in her own room. I seem to worry about every little thing that could happen while she's sleeping away from me. I'm very aware that the chance of anything actually happening are slim to none BUT I still have the fear in the back of my mind. People said parenting is not easy with the waking up for feedings and the crying and everything that you would expect from having a baby but nobody warned me of all the fears you would have for the safety of the baby. I still have the fears for Kale. When does it go away? When will you just be able to take breath and not have a worry in the world? Does it ever go away or is it just something you have to get used to? It's been six and a half years and I still have the fears for Kale and now Kira. Also is it just a mother thing to worry all the time? Jared seems to think I'm just paranoid. Maybe I am. I hope I'm not or don't turn into one of those mothers who holds my kids back just because of the very rare thing that could happen.

Please join us in our crazy wonderful life

I'm starting to blog just to document our lives in the making. I also thought this would be a good idea to keep all of our family and friends updated in what's going on in our lives. I want to try and post pictures and maybe sometimes just ramble on about life or maybe nothing. I hope everyone enjoys reading about our perfectly imperfect lives!